Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Rita
It would be very easy to write more often about the idiots that I deal with on a regular basis. Normally, if I am dealing with a Dominican there is very little good to say about them. In fact, it is very hard to include people in a post who are normal, I deal with so few. For those reasons, I am delighted to write this post.
I noticed when I first came here that when traveling around I would see groups of women with children out together on weekends. I was struck by how often I saw this. It didn't take long before I realized that the reason behind this was that men here think nothing of having children and then abandoning the mother and the children. The responsibility becomes too much. It's easier to just get out. So they do. Of course, this puts an awesome responsibility on the mother, a responsibility with which, most of the time, they are not equipped to cope. They do the best they can, OR, they give up as well. They can't really just leave the kids so they do the next best thing. They give the children to their grandparents, again usually just the grandmother (the grandfather split a long time ago). Now the grandmother has the burden of raising her grandchildren. It wasn't enough that she raised her own kids, now the grandchildren become her responsibility as well. I would have to guess that usually this does not work out well. However, sometimes it works out great.
Rita is Massiel's grandmother (she still lives with her husband). Massiel's mom gave her to Rita to raise shortly after she was born. She took her back at age 7. She lived "with her mother" for four years. Well, actually she was being cared for by someone else, but they were in the same country for 4 years. Then Massiel came back to the DR and lived with her father for 2 years. Then it was back to Rita. Sometimes I make fun of Massiel, but she is really a wonderful person, maybe the nicest person that I have met in the DR. She is honest, smart, hardworking, and just really a good soul. (I am getting laid tonight,with or without this testimonial.) I believe that people's upbringing determine the type of adult that they become.
Massiel's aunt, somewhere along the way, decided that raising her three kids was too much for her. She dumped them on Rita, as well. The boy, Jose, has moved out of the house and is working. He is a very sweet young man. The two girls, Jessica and Kiara are amazing. They are as good as you could ever hope children would be. One is 12 and the other 14. They often come to our house to sleep. When they do, as soon as they enter the door, they take out their books and start doing their homework. They work hard. They have become wonderful students and share all of the qualities that I find so appealing in Massiel. I believe that they are as they are because of Rita.
Tonight, Mother's Day, we took Rita out for dinner, a small and woefully inadequate show of appreciation to a really wonderful woman.
I noticed when I first came here that when traveling around I would see groups of women with children out together on weekends. I was struck by how often I saw this. It didn't take long before I realized that the reason behind this was that men here think nothing of having children and then abandoning the mother and the children. The responsibility becomes too much. It's easier to just get out. So they do. Of course, this puts an awesome responsibility on the mother, a responsibility with which, most of the time, they are not equipped to cope. They do the best they can, OR, they give up as well. They can't really just leave the kids so they do the next best thing. They give the children to their grandparents, again usually just the grandmother (the grandfather split a long time ago). Now the grandmother has the burden of raising her grandchildren. It wasn't enough that she raised her own kids, now the grandchildren become her responsibility as well. I would have to guess that usually this does not work out well. However, sometimes it works out great.
Rita is Massiel's grandmother (she still lives with her husband). Massiel's mom gave her to Rita to raise shortly after she was born. She took her back at age 7. She lived "with her mother" for four years. Well, actually she was being cared for by someone else, but they were in the same country for 4 years. Then Massiel came back to the DR and lived with her father for 2 years. Then it was back to Rita. Sometimes I make fun of Massiel, but she is really a wonderful person, maybe the nicest person that I have met in the DR. She is honest, smart, hardworking, and just really a good soul. (I am getting laid tonight,with or without this testimonial.) I believe that people's upbringing determine the type of adult that they become.
Massiel's aunt, somewhere along the way, decided that raising her three kids was too much for her. She dumped them on Rita, as well. The boy, Jose, has moved out of the house and is working. He is a very sweet young man. The two girls, Jessica and Kiara are amazing. They are as good as you could ever hope children would be. One is 12 and the other 14. They often come to our house to sleep. When they do, as soon as they enter the door, they take out their books and start doing their homework. They work hard. They have become wonderful students and share all of the qualities that I find so appealing in Massiel. I believe that they are as they are because of Rita.
Tonight, Mother's Day, we took Rita out for dinner, a small and woefully inadequate show of appreciation to a really wonderful woman.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
A $449.95 (That's US Dollars) Toilet Seat
I hope I have never let anyone down by referring them to a website that they didn't find entertaining. I know I am not going to hear any disappointment from anyone about:
http://sandman.com/intimst.html
If you shit or piss, this is a must see website. You must watch the 5 minute video.
YOU MUST!!!
http://sandman.com/intimst.html
If you shit or piss, this is a must see website. You must watch the 5 minute video.
YOU MUST!!!
Defensive Eating
Defensive eating is something that most of us do, but few ever realize that we are doing it.
I love to eat. Even though I am in the DR, where the food choices are often limited, I make sure that I always have stuff to eat that I really like in the house or with me. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It could be as simple as Fitness Corn Flakes or a chocolate bar, but be assured, there is always something that I really like in the kitchen or in my possession. When I first started dating Massiel she had the best body of any woman I had ever been with, and maybe ever seen. After we were dating for about 6 months I realized, and mentioned to her, that she had started to "put on a few". Turns out that she enjoys eating more than I do. Unfortunately for me, she enjoys everything that I like. It took a while until I realized that stuff that I was hoarding, to eat at the appropriate time, was missing. It didn't take too long to figure out where it was going. The cats, not having opposable thumbs, can't open the closets or the refrigerator. It couldn't be them. That eliminated all possible suspects with the exception of Massiel. After a while I realized that if there was something that I really wanted to eat, I had two choices. I could hide it or I could eat it. Hiding food seems like kind of shitty thing to do. I have always told our cleaning lady, or any guest sleeping over that anything that was in the house was their's to eat if they wanted to. This eventually led to never inviting one friend to never stay over because she took this too literally. But how could I hide food that I wanted from my wife? The answer is that I can't so I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to eat something, I had to do it right away. To leave it was to make it fair game, and the disappointment of it not being there when I wanted it wasn't worth it. So I started to finish food that I might not normally finish, so that I could be sure that I would be the one eating it. That is defensive eating. I told my daughter about the concept of Defensive Eating (eating something to insure that you are the one who gets to eat it) a couple of months ago and she thought it was kind of a silly idea. I spoke with her last night and mentioned that once again I had done it. I told her that the night before I had opened a Mas Y Mas chocolate bar. This is a chocolate bar that has raisins and peanuts. I am a chocoholic and have identified this as the best chocolate bar made here in the DR. It breaks into five pieces. I was at the computer reading something and I put two pieces in my mouth. Massiel saw me eating this and asked me for a piece, which I of course gave to her. As I did this, of course, I quickly come to the realization that she was going to want more, but hey, I wanted it. So, to avoid a problem, I quickly slipped the two remaining pieces in my mouth, even though I hadn't finished the first two. Sure enough, a minute later Massiel asks for another piece, and I had to say, "I'm sorry, but there is no more". YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Defensive eating strikes again. After I told my daughter this story she confessed to me that now that she was aware that it existed, what had seemed like a really silly concept, was actually something that she often found herself doing, she had just never given it a name.
I love to eat. Even though I am in the DR, where the food choices are often limited, I make sure that I always have stuff to eat that I really like in the house or with me. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It could be as simple as Fitness Corn Flakes or a chocolate bar, but be assured, there is always something that I really like in the kitchen or in my possession. When I first started dating Massiel she had the best body of any woman I had ever been with, and maybe ever seen. After we were dating for about 6 months I realized, and mentioned to her, that she had started to "put on a few". Turns out that she enjoys eating more than I do. Unfortunately for me, she enjoys everything that I like. It took a while until I realized that stuff that I was hoarding, to eat at the appropriate time, was missing. It didn't take too long to figure out where it was going. The cats, not having opposable thumbs, can't open the closets or the refrigerator. It couldn't be them. That eliminated all possible suspects with the exception of Massiel. After a while I realized that if there was something that I really wanted to eat, I had two choices. I could hide it or I could eat it. Hiding food seems like kind of shitty thing to do. I have always told our cleaning lady, or any guest sleeping over that anything that was in the house was their's to eat if they wanted to. This eventually led to never inviting one friend to never stay over because she took this too literally. But how could I hide food that I wanted from my wife? The answer is that I can't so I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to eat something, I had to do it right away. To leave it was to make it fair game, and the disappointment of it not being there when I wanted it wasn't worth it. So I started to finish food that I might not normally finish, so that I could be sure that I would be the one eating it. That is defensive eating. I told my daughter about the concept of Defensive Eating (eating something to insure that you are the one who gets to eat it) a couple of months ago and she thought it was kind of a silly idea. I spoke with her last night and mentioned that once again I had done it. I told her that the night before I had opened a Mas Y Mas chocolate bar. This is a chocolate bar that has raisins and peanuts. I am a chocoholic and have identified this as the best chocolate bar made here in the DR. It breaks into five pieces. I was at the computer reading something and I put two pieces in my mouth. Massiel saw me eating this and asked me for a piece, which I of course gave to her. As I did this, of course, I quickly come to the realization that she was going to want more, but hey, I wanted it. So, to avoid a problem, I quickly slipped the two remaining pieces in my mouth, even though I hadn't finished the first two. Sure enough, a minute later Massiel asks for another piece, and I had to say, "I'm sorry, but there is no more". YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Defensive eating strikes again. After I told my daughter this story she confessed to me that now that she was aware that it existed, what had seemed like a really silly concept, was actually something that she often found herself doing, she had just never given it a name.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Finnicky Eaters
We have two cats, Harry and QD. QD is very friendly and loving, always craving attention and affection. Harry, is exactly the opposite. He is not only not very friendly but he is also very shy. He rarely comes out of his two comfort locations. The only time they both act the same is when it comes to food. In the morning I clean out their litter, put out fresh water, and refill their food plate. They share the hard food. I buy Purina Feline Favorites food. Purina comes in several other flavors, but "the boys" as we call them have rejected the other tastes. Cats are known to be very finnicky eaters and certainly our two are no exceptions. They have taken being picky to a new level. For a long time, as a treat I have bought them tuna fish in cans. It started when I noticed a sale on canned tuna for around 24 pesos. To put that in perspective, a can of Bumble Bee Albacore tuna is around 135 pesos. For 24 pesos you get tuna that is kind of like pulled pieces that are not in any way solid. The tuna sits in water. They loved it. I used to put all the tuna on one plate and then I realized that QD was bullying Harry and forcing him to leave the plate until he was finished. So I started to put out separate plates. I put one on either side of the water bottle we keep on the floor in the kitchen. Then one day at Pola I saw a chunky style of tuna on sale for 35 pesos. It was real tuna meat. This was their house brand and this too was packed in water. I bought a couple of cans. When I put it out the boys were in heaven. When these were gone I went back to the cheaper tuna. THEY BOYCOTTED IT. They refused to eat it. The next time I saw the chunk tuna on sale was at Nacional. It was a different brand. They both loved it. When that ran out I again bought the Pola house brand. QD refused to eat it. That was all I had so Harry ate plenty and QD ate only the dry food. Harry now will not eat the Nacional brand, QD won't eat the Pola brand, so when I give them tuna I have to make sure that I have both brands. That's amazing.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Jimmy Legs Convention
During many episodes of "Seinfeld" reference is made to something called "The Jimmy Legs". I think that Kramer was the first to mention it in an episode. He was referring to the condition that some people have that causes their legs to twitch, most notably in the bed. I am sure that most people have been sitting somewhere when suddenly they became aware of the floor shaking. This is a version of the Jimmy Legs. This is someone forcing their leg to bounce up and down voluntarily. This is a habit. I believe it is something that people who are not really capable of thinking do in order to occupy their minds. They have to concentrate to do it and it alleviates the need to think.
When I first got sick a couple of weeks ago I went to see my doctor and had 7 people waiting ahead of me. Doctors here don't work by appointment as they do in most countries. That is because Dominicans have no respect for each other and never show up anywhere on time, least of all at a doctors office. During my years working here I have been invited to, or planned, many meetings. I am the originator of the expression, "What time will the 4:00 P.M meeting start?" There's a valid reason behind the question. I recently was invited, with my wife, to dinner. We were supposed to meet at 7:00. My friend and his wife were there waiting when we showed up at 6:50. The next person showed up at 8:15 and the last couple showed up at 8:30, and thought nothing of it.
Anyway, I was waiting for the doctor. I was really sick. I was weak. I was dizzy. I was really in bad shape. A guy came and sat down next to me. He immediately started shaking his hands. At first I thought he had some sort of palsy. Then he stopped and relaxed for a couple of minutes. Then he started jiggling his legs. I was starting to get nauseous. The constant motion was killing me. I moved so that he was out of my view. Unfortunately I moved opposite another guy who had the Jimmy Legs. I sat there a little while and again started to feel that I was going to puke. I moved again. I know its hard to believe but I was now face to face with a Jimmy Legs woman. That was it. I couldn't take it any more. I told the Doctor's receptionist that in case she couldn't find me I would be around the corner, out of her sight, sitting where there was no one else. I have come to realize, since that day that The Jimmy Legs is a common malady here. I am sure it is an alternative to thinking. It seems to be working.
When I first got sick a couple of weeks ago I went to see my doctor and had 7 people waiting ahead of me. Doctors here don't work by appointment as they do in most countries. That is because Dominicans have no respect for each other and never show up anywhere on time, least of all at a doctors office. During my years working here I have been invited to, or planned, many meetings. I am the originator of the expression, "What time will the 4:00 P.M meeting start?" There's a valid reason behind the question. I recently was invited, with my wife, to dinner. We were supposed to meet at 7:00. My friend and his wife were there waiting when we showed up at 6:50. The next person showed up at 8:15 and the last couple showed up at 8:30, and thought nothing of it.
Anyway, I was waiting for the doctor. I was really sick. I was weak. I was dizzy. I was really in bad shape. A guy came and sat down next to me. He immediately started shaking his hands. At first I thought he had some sort of palsy. Then he stopped and relaxed for a couple of minutes. Then he started jiggling his legs. I was starting to get nauseous. The constant motion was killing me. I moved so that he was out of my view. Unfortunately I moved opposite another guy who had the Jimmy Legs. I sat there a little while and again started to feel that I was going to puke. I moved again. I know its hard to believe but I was now face to face with a Jimmy Legs woman. That was it. I couldn't take it any more. I told the Doctor's receptionist that in case she couldn't find me I would be around the corner, out of her sight, sitting where there was no one else. I have come to realize, since that day that The Jimmy Legs is a common malady here. I am sure it is an alternative to thinking. It seems to be working.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
No. Or No Se
I came here more than 10 years ago and almost immediately started living in Santiago. At that time there was only one decent casino, The Gran Almirante. It was big, well lit, and nicely decorated. From the get go, however, there was something about it that bothered me. I commented on it probably within the first ten times that I went in there, maybe sooner. It didn't take long to realize that every request, whether reasonable, rational, or fair, was always met with the same speedy, unthoughtout response....NO. It didn't take long before I started to refer to this casino as Casino NO. Whatever I wanted. No. And it wasn't just me. It seemed as though everybody that I ever heard make a request was greeted with the same answer. Often the answer came out before the question was completed.
Having now spent 10 years here, I have come to realize that this speed No answer is not just confined to this casino. Go to any store, ask any clerk a question. The answer is always no. Start a sentence with "Do you, or May I" and usually before the sentence is finished the NO is delivered. There is nothing that a Dominican would rather tell you than NO.
The only thing close to it is NO Se(I don't know). You could be asking someones age, if the sun is out, or if the person is breathing. 90%of the time you will get a quick, "No se". It's as if not knowing and telling someone quickly is a good as knowing the information requested. I said in a meeting once that in this country, having a good excuse for doing something poorly is the same as doing it right.
Having now spent 10 years here, I have come to realize that this speed No answer is not just confined to this casino. Go to any store, ask any clerk a question. The answer is always no. Start a sentence with "Do you, or May I" and usually before the sentence is finished the NO is delivered. There is nothing that a Dominican would rather tell you than NO.
The only thing close to it is NO Se(I don't know). You could be asking someones age, if the sun is out, or if the person is breathing. 90%of the time you will get a quick, "No se". It's as if not knowing and telling someone quickly is a good as knowing the information requested. I said in a meeting once that in this country, having a good excuse for doing something poorly is the same as doing it right.
Warning. Alert. Warning
I had to retake some tests at the lab yesterday. When I was sick a couple of weeks ago my doctor ordered a whole bunch of tests. I did really poorly on those involving liver function. Now that I have completed the medicine that my doctor prescribed, she wanted to see how I did on those same tests. I got to the lab really early, hoping to avoid a long wait. That of course, is not possible. Once I got my insurance coverage verified and paid the difference I was allowed to enter the lab area. There were about 15 people ahead of me. Fortunately, the line moved pretty quickly. Almost everyone was only having blood workups. One or two people were also being asked to supply urine samples in a little screw top bottle. There was one guy who I noticed leaving the blood area and going to the bathroom with two cups. When he came out, I made the mistake of looking at his production.
Warning. Alert. Warning. If someone goes in with two bottles, look at the floor until you see their shoes leaving the lab.
Warning. Alert. Warning. If someone goes in with two bottles, look at the floor until you see their shoes leaving the lab.
It's Official
They just announced the number of dead people whose names appear on the voting rolls. There are more than 26,000. I will bet that less than 15,000 of them vote this year.
There is a movement afoot here encouraging people to go to the polls and vote for NINGUNO (nobody). It's a great idea. If people start to realize that there are others as disenchanted with the bad choices they are given in every election, maybe they will start to come together to express their displeasure. That is how things change.
I loved watching the commercials for the candidates. They are off the air now because the JCE (Electoral Board) prohibits political activities two days before the election. They still permit bribing people to vote, and the above mentioned DPP (Dead People Party)activities, but commercials on TV and Radio are banned. Every commercial was the same. Vote for me. I am loyal. We must go forward, not backward. You should vote for me, since my party is going to win. We have solidarity. My party is the only good party. There's a party in my pants (Just kidding). I am honest. I believe in kissing old people. I must be the winner. Look at all the people I have been able to pay to walk with me, make a lot of noise, and act stupidly.
When I first came here in September of 1999 I was given a house to live in, by the owner of a large factory. The only restriction was that I could not be in the house on Friday afternoons because that was his hooker time, and the house was his hooker love nest. He was a very important official in the PRSC, at the time, the party of the President and the party to which you wanted to belong. After about a month living here, he asked me if I would be interested in going on an election caravan. This is basically a parade in support of a given political party. I said that I would love to go. The PRSC is the red party. Caravaning is the most popular form of campaigning. The candidate sits in an open car at the head of the caravan and it winds its way through the city or the countryside, or both. They never have to speak, just wave (and most of them can do that).There's lot's of yelling, lots of noise, and lots of cheering from the people on the sides of the road. It was really impressive to see so many supporters of the red party out to cheer on their candidate. It was an amazing show of dedication and loyalty to their preferred party. Every house we passed was bedecked in red, every house. Everyone was wearing red, waving red flags, doing anything they could to cheer on their candidate, and to let them know that they were solidly behind them. That way, if this guy should win, he should remember these fervent supporters and do something to repay the debt. The caravan started in Moca and went through the mountains all the way to the road that takes you to the beach in Sosua. Then we turned around and went back and the people were still there. It was an amazing show of support.
The next week I had a date, and we decided to go to the beach. The girl mentioned that she hoped that we didn't hit a lot of traffic because we were taking the same road to the beach as the caravan had taken the week before, and she had heard that there a caravan was scheduled for that day. We were lucky and left ahead of the caravan so that we made the trip in the normal amount of time. However, it was obvious that a caravan would soon be passing. Every house was bedecked in purple, with people standing outside wearing purple, wildly waving purple flags. What loyalty.
It's too bad this isn't a presidential election. They always bring out the best in the Dominicans. Since all power (ALL POWER) flows from the Presidency down, having your party in power as the president is very important. How can you fill your pockets if the others guys party decides who gets the money? The last Presidential election was in 2008. There were 3 major candidates. Leonel, the winner from the purple party (PLD), Vargas, a really angry looking guy representing the white party (PRD) and my favorite "Amable (friendly)" Castro, representing the red party (PRSC). Neither Leonel nor Vargas had a platform for which they stood. Only Amable had a program, and that was to support and help the poor people. Actually, if the poor people believed him, he would have won since the majority (70-80%) of the people are REALLY poor. His campaign appearances were quite simple. He went into a town, gave out $500 pesos (about $17US) cash, and a baby pig, to as many people as he had pigs and cash for. That's it. Brilliant. This year the government is giving out appliances to buy votes. The appliances are bought by the National Lottery Commission and then shipped to the PLD warehouses of the various candidates to remind the faithful why they should continue to vote for them.
Oh yeah, and the people still drive like shit.
There is a movement afoot here encouraging people to go to the polls and vote for NINGUNO (nobody). It's a great idea. If people start to realize that there are others as disenchanted with the bad choices they are given in every election, maybe they will start to come together to express their displeasure. That is how things change.
I loved watching the commercials for the candidates. They are off the air now because the JCE (Electoral Board) prohibits political activities two days before the election. They still permit bribing people to vote, and the above mentioned DPP (Dead People Party)activities, but commercials on TV and Radio are banned. Every commercial was the same. Vote for me. I am loyal. We must go forward, not backward. You should vote for me, since my party is going to win. We have solidarity. My party is the only good party. There's a party in my pants (Just kidding). I am honest. I believe in kissing old people. I must be the winner. Look at all the people I have been able to pay to walk with me, make a lot of noise, and act stupidly.
When I first came here in September of 1999 I was given a house to live in, by the owner of a large factory. The only restriction was that I could not be in the house on Friday afternoons because that was his hooker time, and the house was his hooker love nest. He was a very important official in the PRSC, at the time, the party of the President and the party to which you wanted to belong. After about a month living here, he asked me if I would be interested in going on an election caravan. This is basically a parade in support of a given political party. I said that I would love to go. The PRSC is the red party. Caravaning is the most popular form of campaigning. The candidate sits in an open car at the head of the caravan and it winds its way through the city or the countryside, or both. They never have to speak, just wave (and most of them can do that).There's lot's of yelling, lots of noise, and lots of cheering from the people on the sides of the road. It was really impressive to see so many supporters of the red party out to cheer on their candidate. It was an amazing show of dedication and loyalty to their preferred party. Every house we passed was bedecked in red, every house. Everyone was wearing red, waving red flags, doing anything they could to cheer on their candidate, and to let them know that they were solidly behind them. That way, if this guy should win, he should remember these fervent supporters and do something to repay the debt. The caravan started in Moca and went through the mountains all the way to the road that takes you to the beach in Sosua. Then we turned around and went back and the people were still there. It was an amazing show of support.
The next week I had a date, and we decided to go to the beach. The girl mentioned that she hoped that we didn't hit a lot of traffic because we were taking the same road to the beach as the caravan had taken the week before, and she had heard that there a caravan was scheduled for that day. We were lucky and left ahead of the caravan so that we made the trip in the normal amount of time. However, it was obvious that a caravan would soon be passing. Every house was bedecked in purple, with people standing outside wearing purple, wildly waving purple flags. What loyalty.
It's too bad this isn't a presidential election. They always bring out the best in the Dominicans. Since all power (ALL POWER) flows from the Presidency down, having your party in power as the president is very important. How can you fill your pockets if the others guys party decides who gets the money? The last Presidential election was in 2008. There were 3 major candidates. Leonel, the winner from the purple party (PLD), Vargas, a really angry looking guy representing the white party (PRD) and my favorite "Amable (friendly)" Castro, representing the red party (PRSC). Neither Leonel nor Vargas had a platform for which they stood. Only Amable had a program, and that was to support and help the poor people. Actually, if the poor people believed him, he would have won since the majority (70-80%) of the people are REALLY poor. His campaign appearances were quite simple. He went into a town, gave out $500 pesos (about $17US) cash, and a baby pig, to as many people as he had pigs and cash for. That's it. Brilliant. This year the government is giving out appliances to buy votes. The appliances are bought by the National Lottery Commission and then shipped to the PLD warehouses of the various candidates to remind the faithful why they should continue to vote for them.
Oh yeah, and the people still drive like shit.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
You Never Know How Badly You Felt Until You Feel Better
I came home from Haiti sicker than I ever imagined. I actually spent almost two full weeks feeling weak and listless and running a fever the whole time. I literally did not have the strength to get out of bed. I was probably sleeping 14 hours a day, minimum. And always with a fever between 100 and 102. I am better now and every time I think about how good I feel lately, I realize how really sick I was.
This Just In
Wait a minute. This just in:
Domnican political parties announce support from hamburger joints.
PLD - Burger King and Wimpy Burgers---Since all gov't announcements are BS, tie in with Home of the Whopper is a natural. And their borrowing program is definitely inspired by Wimpy.
PRD - McDonalds---Have it your way. At least that's what they'll tell you till they get into office. At which point they will have it THEIR way.
PRSC - White Castle---A formerly popular brand, however more noted for its holes than its substance.
Domnican political parties announce support from hamburger joints.
PLD - Burger King and Wimpy Burgers---Since all gov't announcements are BS, tie in with Home of the Whopper is a natural. And their borrowing program is definitely inspired by Wimpy.
PRD - McDonalds---Have it your way. At least that's what they'll tell you till they get into office. At which point they will have it THEIR way.
PRSC - White Castle---A formerly popular brand, however more noted for its holes than its substance.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Campaign Slogans
Since the only way to judge who to vote for, in the DR, is to look at their pictures, which are plastered all over the place, I was thinking of that instead of the "Change" slogans that are under every picture, something more honest might be more interesting.
Here are some suggestions:
Vote for me. I will steal less than my opponent.
Yes my Party is mostly thieves, bums, and crooks, but I am new at this.
50% of what I steal I will share with the voters, if you can prove you voted for me.
I have a small family. How many worthless relatives can I give high paying jobs?
I have never been in jail. Well, not for a political crime, anyway.
I will bring "junketing" to a new level.
I will not knock up any more minors. (One candidate knocked up two girls under 16)
I will accept narco dollars only when ABSOLUTELY necessary.
If he wins, you're fucked. If I win you are screwed. The choice is yours.
I will only sell my two new car tax exemptions to people who deserve to be seen driving around like royalty.
If the candidates really wanted to be honest, they could make this a really interesting campaign.
Here are some suggestions:
Vote for me. I will steal less than my opponent.
Yes my Party is mostly thieves, bums, and crooks, but I am new at this.
50% of what I steal I will share with the voters, if you can prove you voted for me.
I have a small family. How many worthless relatives can I give high paying jobs?
I have never been in jail. Well, not for a political crime, anyway.
I will bring "junketing" to a new level.
I will not knock up any more minors. (One candidate knocked up two girls under 16)
I will accept narco dollars only when ABSOLUTELY necessary.
If he wins, you're fucked. If I win you are screwed. The choice is yours.
I will only sell my two new car tax exemptions to people who deserve to be seen driving around like royalty.
If the candidates really wanted to be honest, they could make this a really interesting campaign.
The Polls
On May 16 the DR will have its next senatorial and congressional elections. Senators make over $40,000 per month, making them the highest paid in the world, and all elected officials have access to huge amounts of money which they can use as they see fit, with no accountability. Elections here are basically "beauty contests" because the only campaigning done is by putting up posters with the candidates pictures. These posters occupy every inch of public space. There are no discussions of issues, no conversation as to why the candidate should be elected. There is nothing else done for campaign purposes other than caravaning. In a caravan the candidate, usually accompanied by the President of his party, rides through the streets accompanied by a few party faithful, thousands of paid participants wildly waving colored flags, and blaring music. The idea is to convince the observers on the street that this is the person that is going to win. It is important that the public be convinced that they are seeing the winner.
Also, each party pays to have voter preference polls. These, somehow, always come out showing that the party that paid for the poll is going to win. The loser always argues that the Polls are wrong. Again, it is important that the public is convinced as to who the winner will be.
Why?
A cedula is the identity card given to all residents. They are also the card that is used to allow a citizen to vote. In a country where a huge percentage of the people sell their cedulas for $20 or $30 the seller wants to make sure that they are selling it the winner so that after they win, they can go and beg more favors, or at the least, a little more money.
Also, each party pays to have voter preference polls. These, somehow, always come out showing that the party that paid for the poll is going to win. The loser always argues that the Polls are wrong. Again, it is important that the public is convinced as to who the winner will be.
Why?
A cedula is the identity card given to all residents. They are also the card that is used to allow a citizen to vote. In a country where a huge percentage of the people sell their cedulas for $20 or $30 the seller wants to make sure that they are selling it the winner so that after they win, they can go and beg more favors, or at the least, a little more money.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Traditional Values
Want to spend 21 pesos on something and don't have exact change? No problem. Be prepared to recieve your change in either gum or mints.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Happy Ending
My friend Evan likes to make self deprecating jokes about being a cheap Jew. He is one of the few Jews, like myself, living in Santiago. Massiel and I were sitting at the bar at the Almirante tonight and Evan walked over. He told us that he had been approached in the casino by two hooker types. They wanted to know if he remembered them, they gave massages. He said no, and they reminded him again that they gave massages. He asked if they worked up at the pool and they said no, they gave "private massages". Not knowing if Massiel was familiar with how some massages work, I explained to her that at the end, the masseuse gives you a "happy ending". Evan chimed in with, " A real happy ending for me is big discount at the end.
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