Thursday, June 24, 2010

Thought For The Day

http://i48.tinypic.com/jh6048.gif

Saturday, June 12, 2010

This Just In

Cow seduces Indonesian man
Jun 11, 2010 12:26 PM | By Sapa-dpa

An 18-year-old man on Indonesia's resort island of Bali claimed he was seduced by a cow after being caught having sex with the animal.



A neighbour caught Gusti Ngurah Alit in the act on Sunday and immediately reported him to local authorities, village chief Embang Ida Bagus Legawa said.

"He was caught by one of the residents standing naked while holding the back of the cow," Legawa said.

On Friday, Alit underwent a cleansing ritual in which he was bathed and the cow was drowned in the sea to rid the village of bad luck.

Alit said he did not see a cow but a beautiful young woman. "She called my name and seduced me, so I had sex with her," he said.

He had to pay 2,000 old coins as a traditional punishment while the village chief paid the owner of the cow 5 million rupiah (545 dollars) in compensation.

An Old Favorite

Every couple of months Massiel does a little housekeeping on my nose. (It is safe to keep reading, there is no more nose news.) It is really quite painful. As I am complaining, she always tells me how it doesn't really hurt. Tonight when she told me that I was reminded of one of may favorite jokes that I used to tell 40 years ago.

Ahmed was a camel driver. He knew that if he gelded his favorite camel, the camel would be more manageable, be able to go further with less water, and carry greater loads. The problem was that Ahmed had come to be very fond of this camel and he knew that the castration would be very painful, consequently he could not bring himself to do it. One day, however, while walking through the market he passed a stall with a sign that said, "Camels gelded painlessly". Ahmed spoke with the stall operator, Mahmoud, and they set a price.
The next day Ahmed showed up at the agreed upon time with his camel. Mahmoud picked up two large bricks and walked around to the back of the camel to where he would have complete access to the camel's private parts. He quickly clapped the two bricks together as hard as he could on the camel's privates. The camel immediately started to scream and fell to his knees in pain. Ahmed went to the camel and started cradling his head to try to alleviate the pain, but to know avail. The camel kept screaming. Ahmed turned to Mahmoud and said, "But you told me it was painless". Mahmoud replied, "Trust me, if you don't get your thumbs in between the bricks, you don't feel a thing".

I know how the camel felt.

Monday, June 7, 2010

If You Didn't Go There Yet

This is just one of the many hysterical email exhanges that awaits you at wwww.dontevenreply.com :


This one was a little tricky. If you didn't figure it out, I am both Mike Anderson and Kira Anderson.
Original ad:
i am looking to trade/barter my 1994 Jeep Wrangler. 140k miles, yellow, good condition. NO CASH. I will barter just about anything of equal value!


From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org
CC: Kira Anderson

Hey,

I saw your ad for a '94 Wrangler for barter. I will trade you my whore of a wife for that car. She is a dirty little slut that fucks just about anything that moves. She doesn't really have much to offer, so I figure she is worth about the price of a used 1994 wrangler. I understand if you think she isn't worth it, so I am willing to throw in $200 cash on top of that. If you are looking for a loose whore that will give it up easily, my wife will be well worth the trade. Let me know if you are interested. Does the Wrangler come with a title?

From Jim ***** to Me

Ha ha! Very funny. I am married and don't think I would be interested in your wife. Thanks for the offer though!

From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****

OH FUCK YOU MIKE!! DROP FUCKING DEAD!!! YOU ARE SUCH A SCUMBAG PIECE OF SHIT I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!

From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****

Fuck YOU, you stupid cunt! What are you doing on the computer? I figured you were fucking Steve again. Or how about our neighbor? I'm sure he's looking to stick his dick in some rotten pussy. You fucking twat.

From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****

MIKE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THIS IS IT. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME TODAY BECAUSE ILL BE WAITING WITH A FUCKIN KNIFE

From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****

Ooh I'm real fucking scared. It might be kind of hard to stab me with 10 inches of black dick in your mouth you fucking WHORE

From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson

Hey you two sound like a great couple and all, but could you stop including me in these e-mails? I really don't think this concerns me.

From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****

TELL YOU WHAT JIM ILL BUY YOUR FUCKING WRANGLER SO I CAN RUN OVER MY PIECE OF SHIT HUSBAND WITH IT

From Mike Anderson to Jim *****, Kira Anderson

Jim don't sell it to her. She'll probably pick up a random dude and crash the jeep while she's sucking his dick.

From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****

FUCK YOU

From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson

Will both of you shut the fuck up and stop e-mailing me? Jesus fucking christ man c'mon!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I Like To Think That I Am Funny, But

Every so often I come across something on the internet that literally makes me laugh out loud.

Go to: http://www.dontevenreply.com/ and read a couple of the threads.

Friday, June 4, 2010

You Can Quote Me

These are originals:

In the Dominican Republic there is no difference between doing something, and doing it well.

There is nothing a Dominican would rather say than "No se"(I don't know), unless its NO. And they say both of them very quickly to show their pride in their answer.

Dominicans know how to make things work again, they just don't know how to fix them.

Having a good excuse for doing something wrong is just as good as doing it right.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Masters Of Premature.............Celebration

Here's what's wrong with the DR:

From todays's DR1:




Ubaldo candidate to Cy Young

Colorado Rockies ace pitcher, Dominican Ubaldo Jimenez (38) is the clear frontrunner for the National League Cy Young award. He showed his extraordinary talent again when pitching a complete game four-hitter as the Rockies beat the San Francisco Giants 4-0. Jimenez has dominated in 2010. He has thrown 26 consecutive scoreless innings, breaking his previous franchise record for a starting pitcher, reports the Denver Post.


I am sure that Jimenez had a great two months, so far this season. But to think about it terms of the Cy Young award on THE FIRST OF JUNE is absolutely stupid.
This is what Dominicans always do in everything. They have a little success at something and then, instead of seeing it through, and doing the hard work necessary, they start to celebrate how great they are. And then, of course, they forget what they were doing and then it falls apart.