Dear Sirs: It Has Come To Our Attention..............

With nothing to do at the factory today I decided to go through my various email accounts and rid them of old, unwanted posts. There were some that I have saved for a long time, including a paper that Michele wrote for one of her Psych classes in 2003. It was entitled My Father and was really very moving (for me). I came across the following email which I wrote to my ex-wife, Bonnie, on my return from a visit to New York to see Michele. Never at a loss for words Bonnie responded with a wonderful salute. I am posting this because I really love and appreciate a well written letter, even if I am the author.

For several years, I have listened to Michele tell me about the many times that she has had to deal with her drunken mother and to be honest, I kind of felt that she might have been exaggerating. What I witnessed tonight was beyond belief. Michele called you and when you spoke to her 5 minutes later, you told her that you hadn't gotten the message. You were obviously so piss drunk that you didn't remember speaking to her. But the scene at your apartment was something to really talk about. You were so drunk that you had no idea what you were saying. Not only that, but you had your two other drunken friends there to assault both your daughter and me. The fact that you allowed these two women to stand there and verbally abuse Michele was unbelievable. What right do they have to do this. Pointing fingers at her and yelling at her. One seemed sober but the other had as much trouble standing and speaking without a slur as you did. You always talk about how much you love your daughter. In some way you probably do, but from what I can see, love is only a word you use. Not a feeling you are capable of exhibiting.

I think it is time you came to grips with a couple of things:

1) You have a serious alcohol problem and you know what? Nobody cares why. Yeah you had a shitty marriage and every one knows that all the blame was mine. Who cares? You're still a drunk.

2) You have a bunch of friend that are drunks like you. Misery loves company.

3)You are severely damaging the thing you say you love the most. Your daughter, in spite of your sustained abuse ( and this has been going on in one form or another for at least 10 years, that's right 10 years) still loves and cares for you. IF not, she wouldn't have been crying all the way home. You are the only mother she has and the only parent living near her. You had better hope and pray that I never come back. But assuming that I stay where I am you are still in danger of losing your daughter.

My advice to Michele is as follows:

1) Cut your mother off. Have no contact with her whatsoever until she stops drinking and comes to deal with her inner problems.Quite honestly I don't know if you can. Every body hurts, some more than others. People deal with it in different ways. The way you have chosen is clearly not working.

2) Cut your mother off. Have no contact with her. Unfortunately for you Michele is the prize, not you.She gets only pain from her dealings with you. If you want the prize you don't get it by hurting her.

3) Cut your mother off. Have no contact with her until she starts to deal with the present and stops living with the pain of the past. Do you think it was any fun giving up 5 years of my life living with you because I felt I had to stay to protect my daughter from her mother who was constantly verbally and at times physically (Funny that you don't remember slapping Michele, but she and I both do) abusing her.

The daughter you say you love so much deserves for you to show it once in a while in a manner other than words. Stop living in the past. As far as I can tell you helped to pay for her college. That's it. She is tired of hearing about how you feel about me. See if you can go a month without trying to instill guilt for being my daughter. You helped to pay for her school because you could. I send her money every month. I don't ask or care what you do to help her but I will continue to advise her to stop having contact with you until you start to do something positive, both for yourself and for her. Hate me as much as you want.But if you haven't realized it yet, Michele doesn't hate me and if you think you can change her opinion at this point I would suggest you think again. Get over it.

It is unfortunate that you have had cancer and hopefully it is over and I am sure that it must be an awfully frightening thing to live with. The fact is that you did have it, but you cannot allow this to overshadow every waking moment of your life. The cancer is not the reason that you have been unable to find a job in the 5 years I am gone. Why not try to come to grips with that problem. You are a nice person who certainly has not gotten her share of the good breaks. What do you want to do, wallow in your sorrow forever? It will eventually cost you the rest of your life and the best thing with which you have ever been involved. Your daughter. If you love her as you say you do, now, right now is the time to show her, before it is too late. I am sure that Michele will continue to talk to me about your relationship with her and as long as it continues to be as it has been for so long I will continue to advise her to cut you off. Which, by the way I have never ever done before. Stop punishing her for your hatred of me. Get on with your life.
Thanks for the kick in the balls.

Joel


And never being at a loss for words, her well thought out, but brief reply:

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
I am the only parent that she has, you are not there for
her,you live in the DR where you belong.