Trip Report

On the 14th of this month I left Santiago to visit with a childhood friend. Jon and I have been friends for about 55 years. We met briefly in Hebrew school. In the 9th grade (1959-1960)I transferred to Horace Mann, a private school in NYC, and Jon and I have been good friends ever since.

My flight left Santiago at 8:30 for Miami. We got in at 10:30 and then I had a NINE HOUR layover until my next flight. The walk from where my plane landed to the customs station felt like it took 30 minutes, but definitely took at least 10, although I am sure it was more. And don't forget, I walk at the pace of a New Yorker (quickly).

My first observation was of the price of chewing gum at the airport. I don't know if it was some sort of special product but it was $2.19. That is an amazing price.

I was surprised that some people with a lot of luggage were using the old "wheelchair" trick to allow them to go to the head of the line at customs if they had a lot of luggage. That is a refinement of the "I need a wheelchair to get on the plane trick" which is used just to get to be allowed to enter the plane before everyone else.

With all that time to kill I decided not to go to a nearby casino to lose what little money I had, but rather to head out to a nearby discount mall in order to spend it on things that I can't get here, like candy and nice clothing cheaply priced. When I asked at the information booth I was told that the mall was 5 minutes from the airport. Coming back to the airport the trip took about 8 minutes, maybe a little less. What the woman at the information booth neglected to tell me is that the shuttle bus stops at every hotel on the way to the mall and that getting there takes almost 40 minutes.
After walking through about 1/3 of the mall and making a few purchases I came to the food court. I was hungry, so the timing was great. In looking around my first thought was that I was going to have a tough time deciding where to eat. That is until I saw that there was a girl handing out samples of the Teryaki chicken at the first stand. As I was sampling this I realized that there was someone at virtually every stand, either in front of or behind the counter, trying to entice you to eat there by giving you a free sample. It didn't take long to decide where I was going to eat. I ate every free sample that was given and finished the food court absolutely full. The should change the name to "The Free Food Court".

After about an hour and a half of walking around shopping I was starting to get a little tired. As luck would have it I came across some massage chairs. I think it was $2 for 5 minutes. I figured I would try it. Wow. What a great massage. Hard to believe that a machine could give that satisfying a massage, but these chairs were great.

One of the things that really struck me after a while is that NOBODY in the mall spoke English. Everyone spoke Spanish. I was amazed.

For those of you who watch "The Jersey Shore" 1/2 the young girls in the mall made every effort to look like Snooki.

I asked a man a question and he answered in a very not Spanish accent, "Excuse, please, I don't talk English". Doesn't anybody in Miami speak English?

When I got back to the airport, as soon as I started to look for my next flight, I realized I was fucked. When the overhead sign says "Gates 1-60 and you are leaving from 60, you know you are screwed. After walking part of the way I decided to take the Sky Train, a monorail that goes to all of the American's gates. The best part is that when I finally got near to gate 60 I realized that it was down a flight of stairs at the end of the row of gates and when they call your plane you go out through a door and they PUT YOU ON A BUS to the plane. Of course, the first plane we got on was having problems, so we had to change to another plane, again getting there by bus.

Having lived in the DR for 11 years one of the things that really struck me was the condition of every public bathroom I entered (and with my prostate problem, trust me, I entered a lot). They were all spotless. Every stall had a seat (amazing), every sink had soap and paper towels and/or really efficient hand blowers, and they all had baby changing tables. One bathroom "complex" had a Men's room, a Women's bathroom and a Family Bathroom. What the hell is a Family bathroom?

I had a wonderful time with Jon and his wife Betty. They were as hospitable as possible. Jon and I spent most of the time just talking. Amazingly with all the history we had there were no, "do you remember when.....? stories, or "how about the time.... anecdotes. Mostly current events both personal and worldwide. There was nothing unusual in that, Jon and I have always had an up to date conversation pattern. We spent quite a most of our time at his beautiful beach house, near Pensacola. Jon is in love with his really fast, really beautiful speedboat and we went riding a couple of times, including one trip to a seafood store that was a pretty long ride by boat. This store had the largest selection of fish and shellfish that I have ever seen. There was a huge assortment of prepared foods as well, and we ate what we bought there for a couple of days. Friday I went to the Walmart store and Ihad a ball. I love Walmart. I miss Walmart. On Sunday we drove to his house in Mobile, and along the way we stopped at another discount mall. I love discount malls. I miss discount malls. We spent the rest of the day watching football. I had a wonderful time. My favorite quote from Jon came when we were talking about something involving California and Jon referred to the people living there as "Those yogurt eating cocksuckers". Pure Jon.

The trip back included a layover of only 3 hours. Piece of cake. The airport at Pensacola was filled with a bunch of religious nuts. I overheard this conversation more than once: "How are you? Fine, how are you? I am blessed.

The stewardess dropped the bag of ice on the floor and all drinks were served at room temperature. It didn't matter to me because when I am traveling, I try to drink as little as possible, but some people were really pissed.

When we got off in Miami I had time to kill so I decided to walk from my arrival gate (#59) to my departure gate (#7). I took a leisurely stroll and once I was smart enough to pay for a cart to carry the 30 pound bag I was carrying it was a pleasure. It took 50 minutes.

My last impression of the US was provided by a young couple with a child waiting for their flight with a stroller. On both sides of the stroller they had afixed Latte holders.

I had a great time.