My New Favorite Story

Leaving Santo Domingo on the way to Punta Cana you have to pay a toll. It costs 30 Pesos. They have exact change lanes of several different types.
One is for the Dominican version of Easy Pass. There are probably 25 people in the whole country that have it.
Then there are Exact Change lanes which have somone sitting there to make change for you so that you can go through.
Then there is a real Exact Change lanes. Apparently the rule is "have exact change or die"
This lane is located right next to the one where thay make change.
I'm in the exact change lane with about 8 cars behind me when the car in front of me gets to the toll machine and the driver realizes that he does not have the exact change. The passenger jumps out with a 100 peso bill and starts to walk to the next lane to get change from the person making change. The army person, stationed at the toll is busy talking with the "change" woman. When he sees the passenger walking towards him he tells her to get back in her car. When she explains that she needs change he menacingly lifts his rifle (just a little, but enough to get his message out) and tells her to get back in the car. He then insists that they back their car out of the toll, which is, of course, the most difficult of all possible solutions because now myself and the 8 other cars behind me all have to back up as well. He says that he doesn't care, BACK UP!!!
So I hop out of my car, give the 30 pesos to the driver and everyone goes about their business.

$5 Snapple

No thanks. Not that thirsty. I am flying to New York.
I am waiting here at the Punta Cana airport. I stopped at the food stand, picked a bottle of Snapple from the cooler.
The cashier told me $5. I told him no thank you.

Well at least it got me to post again.

it's Official

As of this coming Monday, February 7, I am really fucking old.

And I hate it.

Think He Is Sexist?

I was talking with someone about a woman I knew. I said that I thought that she was an amazing worker.
I said that you only have to mention something once or ask her to do something once an it gets done immediately.
My friend looked at me and said ,"Yeah, sounds like she's a man of a woman"

She Has Been With Me So Long That She Is Starting To Think Like Me

As Massiel was coming out of the shower I was admiring her body. She is kind of top heavy and I was reminded of the first time I saw her in the casino about 7 years ago. My comment to a friend was, "Wow, I just want to see them." When I reminded Massiel of this comment her answer to me was, "See them, you married them."

How To Seduce A Born Again (We Know Someone Like That)

You: Oh baby, I am so horny for you.

She: I am sorry but I am no longer like that. I have finally found myself and I want to remain a righteous woman.

You: But baby, I need you now. I really am so horny for you.

She: I am not like that anymore. I know that I was, but you have to, respect me now and accept me for the clean living woman that I am.

You: I do respect you. I just have this aching in my loins for you. I know how much your religion means to you now and the last thing I would want to do is to make you stray from the path that you are on. That is why I want you to stick your hand in my pants and meet "Baby Jesus".

She: Baby Jesus?

You: Yup. And not only that but I want you to witness the miracle of him going from baby to full grown man in only seconds.

She: A miracle in your pants? This I have to see.

And When The Cloud Lifted

Here I am in Punta Cana as the Poker Director for the nicest hotel in a city filled with beautiful hotels. I went through a stage where I was working in a call center. I hated it and wanted out, but I needed the money. Actually after a while it wasn't so bad. Ex prisoners can make very pleasant work companions. I got to like quite a few of them. I just never told them my real name or where I lived (for safety sake). A friend I had once helped to get a job, Orlando Torres started working here and when the general manager told him that he was looking for someone to take over the Poker Room, Orlando told him about me. I sent a resume and literally 15 minutes later I had an interview set up, and three days later at the end of the interview I got the job.
I am here now for 6 days and I am loving it. I work for people who want to do things as quickly and as well as is possible. Instead of the Dominican/Spanish mentality of "Manana", I am now dealing with an American sensibility. What a huge difference.

And of course when things are looking good, good things happen. Take today for instance. I had to deposit money into Massiel's account. First I went to Banco Santa Cruz to change my dollars to pesos. I spoke to a customer service rep who gave me a better rate exchange than was posted. Then I found a Banco Popular nearby. It was so crowded that when I walked in I asked one of the 50 or so people on the line waiting for a teller if they were giving money away today. I couldn't see myself waiting on a line like that so I left. I asked the security guard outside if there was another branch nearby and he directed me to one that was less than 5 minutes away and absolutely deserted. I walked right up to the teller and made my deposit. I was passing by the original branch that I went to in less than 8 minutes. Then I stopped at the "biggest supermarket in town" to buy some razors. I was in there the other night and in typical Dominican fashion the cashier had no change and she beat me for a peso, and she didn't even offer me a piece of gum to make up the shortage. This time I checked the price before I bought it, just to make sure that I had the exact change. I did. When I paid her I said, " You know, last time I was here you beat me for a peso". She gave me a peso. Boy was I happy.

Little things, but sometimes, as the song says, "little things mean a lot".